Written By: Batanai Mhango—I am always intrigued by the way globalization has hit our planet like the way AIDS manifested itself into our continent—quietly, suddenly and untiringly. It’s a true marvel, while I surrender to the sinister way it has crept into our society it aggravates me that I should have to suffer for our peoples’ confusion between Western and African culture daily. We have our youth chanting ridiculous lyrics which they don’t understand calling themselves "thugs" and "gangstaz", our husbands trying to find themselves ‘hoes’ and our mothers drinking themselves away and bottling in their frustrations as "wifeys on lock".For me—a young, black, well-spoken and intelligent woman, it is to my dismay my one flaw as someone in the dating game in Africa is beauty. Yes, beauty. I remember being young my Mother would point out women walking in town saying "you see her, she is so beautiful everybody wants to marry her." And it was so the beautiful girls with the nice personalities, even the ones with ugly personalities would be wooed. As I reached adolescence I recall reading international magazines and being confused by all the stars and models being interviewed regaling tales of men never wanting to be serious with them or being intimidated by looks.
Sadly I witness personally after moving back to Africa from being abroad where I had no problems finding good men who were interested in my mind and not my body, African men remain behind again. The impact of the media which portray "superficial" looking women as having no brain, no personality and only interested in superficial things sadly has come as a wave and washed sense away. I will not make the mistake of attributing this wrong way of thought only to Africa but the world in general really needs to re-examine its stance on "superficial" looking people and throwing them into a category of harsh judgment.
I realize here I am seen as a trophy, a giant teddy bear to be won at the circus. So the winner can walk around all the tents with me in his arms with too big a smile on his face to utter a word to me. They want to buy me flowers, take me to crowded venues for dinner and tell me how much they want me all to themselves so they can give me the world. Making sure to introduce me to all of their friends, their family and their neighbours even though it’s the first date? Neglecting to ask my opinions or my beliefs but always remembering to despise me and call me all sorts of names when I refuse their offers. Presuming I am limited to shopping, talking to my girlfriends on the phone, not knowing how to cook, going for manicures, getting my hair done and I needing a man to financially take care of me because I am high maintenance.
As a contributing writer for a magazine for young African women, I want to send a message to all women that are finding it tough getting a man with substance who wants you for YOU. I know there are times when you stare at yourself in the mirror and wonder what exactly it is about the way you look that is causing you to keep missing those men who will be serious and trustworthy. I urge you to look deeper inside and when you find that your personality is actually pretty attractive, you are friendly, fun and intelligent. Never let yourself be confused any longer, the problem doesn’t lie anywhere close to you. Men with substance are rare, once you catch him and in the end you will need keep him close and treat him like the rare creation he is. While you are waiting don’t bother settling for anything less.
We have overcome racism—black, white, yellow, albino, green and blue is beautiful. We have overcome homophobia—gay, straight, asexual, bisexual, all the strangest various fetishes, up and down is beautiful. We have overcome feeling unattractive because of our weight be it overweight or underweight. I think its time for Africa to begin to appreciate the intellectual power of our women and not to predetermine what ones mind framework is structured like just because of her outward package.
MIMI Related Links: Article Originally Published In November, 2006: Life. Style. Spirit
(Photo Credits: Paul Hakimata) (Model Used Solely For Illustrative Purposes)
